State of the Blog

Ladies, gentlemen and androgynous freaks; pornography lovers, professional/jobless poker players, creepy pederasts, MySpace fanatics and all else (actually I think that is everyone...) who dwell on the Internet like coke hungry actors struggling to make it in Hollywood-- Welcome to the first ever State of the Blog!

As many of you know, an employment drought hit us hard at the end of last summer. What followed was an economic crisis the likes of which has never been seen before. The depression hit hard. Many remained home, sitting in their boxers eating Crisco with a fork while resume after resume went unnoticed. For several months, the people suffered; and with it the Blog. Posts were forgotten like children in a super WalMart; ideas lay in ruin like a dildo store after Rosie O'Donnell had been in town.

However, in April things began to turn around. The employment rate skyrocketed to 100% from 0%. For the past two months, our Blog has been ready to step into the light of prominence, but couldn't find the light switch.

The future is bright, my friends. This blog stands to benefit from many of the programs and ideas that have been ruminating on streets of our minds. Together, much like the alien symbiote and Spiderman, we will grow stronger, smarter and cornily suave (except, unlike Spiderman, my new suit will be purple with rainbow stripes and gold sequins). Together, our bright laughter will be reverberate throughout this Internet. Together, we shall inspect angles we had never considered in places we have never been to (like Cleveland!). But in order for this to work, it must be together!

Comrades, this space is both the means and the end.

You'll have spotlights on soccer/futbol, the hottest television worth my time (anything on Lifetime, Gilmore Girls and every possible celebrity reality show), book reviews, stem cells, Harry Potter, humpback whales, York peppermint patties and lava - especially lava.

Expect fantesticle things in the future . . .