Your Boy is Back in Town . . .

Admit it - the world of blogging has blogged itself to death (did anyone catch how close "blogged" is to "flogged"? That wasn't a mistake). Even more than before, when I last attempted to join the blog scene - a little over a year ago, no one cares about blogs. Honestly, who has the patience, not to mention interest, to tolerate a 43-year old man's online ravings about his Barbie doll collection? Certainly not me and, for the sake of this wonderful planet, hopefully not you.

What greater purpose do the blogs and bloggers serve? As a college student, I wrote this:

From what I hear, the world of Blog is a happy place with sunshine all day and
pastures for your rhinoceros to roam freely while you walk hand in hand with
scantily clad Alessandra Ambrosio and eating watermelon flavored Italian
ice. It's a land of opportunity . . .

It's a shame I was so disillusioned.

What I realize now is that before blogs were the future they were a thing of the past. Oh, of course they worked in theory: pick a destination that suits you, invite whomever you want to come along, acres and acres of open space, and the flexibility to run naked through that open space painted like a giant cat - that is, if one were so inclined. Everyone had puppies, because a place where everyone has puppies is a happy place. But sadly, it just didn't work out with the liberals and conservatives, homosexuals and homosexual-haters, Jews and Christians, Zeus' and Heras, spiders and flies, and so on. Simply put: their insensitivity, ignorance, and closed-mindedness ruined the blogging. The world of Blog became isolated. People rarely ventured outside anymore, save to coincidentally throw a rock at their neighbor's 'Why Rocks Rock' blog window. Bloggers, despite being of only one ethnicity, started to fear one another. And rightly so! I don't want George McDiddy-doo of 'Funny Vanity Plates' peeking in my blog windows at night, writing messages on my house. Please, George, the judge said to come no closer than 50 IP addresses.

"But Nick," you say, "What's the deal with you having a blog when you're so adamantly against them? Wouldn't it be easier to avoid all of this drama by not having a blog in the first place?" First of all, sir with the pink jumpsuit in the back, please sit down. Secondly, if you interrupt me again, I'll kill you. Thirdly, you're goddamned right. Who cares? Lastly, I spoke with God the other night over a plate of DoubleStuft Oreos and a glass of milk. God said that I am the chosen person to inhabit the lands of Blog. Which means two things: God wants me to be here and He doesn't want anyone else here. So, in a sense, this is my Holy War against the infidels of Blog. I will not rest until every other blog has been vanquished from the Internet, leaving only mine and any others I deem worthy enough.

Yep, looks like I'm going to fit in just fine.